Holidays can be so very hard — for so many folks. If you are struggling, please reach out to the Trevor Project (1-866-488-7386) for 24/7 support. They also have text and chat lines open 24/7.
To the trans kids, the gay kids, the bisexual kids, the queer kids who are in unsafe homes. To the ones who cannot go home at all. Your identity is valid regardless of their invalidation of it.
To the fat folks who will spend the holidays being ridiculed for their weight or their size, told to diet and to eat less. You are just as allowed to eat as anyone else. Your body is enough right now.
To the mixed folks who go home and are never white enough or POC enough, who are too white or too POC. Who constantly exist in-between. You are not too white or too POC. You do not have to choose between yourself and yourself. You are not a half and half. You are a whole person.
To the folks unable to talk about their partner at home to family. Your love is valid.
To the partners who are cannot meet the family. Your anger & sadness is valid.
To the heartbroken. To the misfits. To the cast-aside–
I see you. You have a place in this world, even if it is not with your first family. You belong here.
TIPS FOR LGBTQ+ Folks–
- Ask allies to correct others when they misgender you. If this is available to you, it can be easier than trying to correct folks yourself. I did this when possible!
- Set firm boundaries. This might mean exiting a room when a certain topic is discussed. This might mean declaring, “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.” This might mean changing the subject carefully. Ask allies to help you with this if you/they can.
- Ground yourself in resources. Swipe through for some examples of resources.
- Affirm yourself. Remind yourself that when someone else invalidates you, it does not mean you are invalid. It means something about their character and not yours. And just because they invalidate you does not mean you then invalidate yourself. Swipe forwards to see an example list of affirmations.
TIPS FOR ALLIES–
- Correct folks when they misgender us. Make sure this is okay with the person being misgendered – know what pronouns they prefer in that specific situation!
- Call out homophobic and transphobic comments. Your silence in the face things like, “f*ggot” or “that’s so gay” are incredibly harmful to both the folks doing it and the LGBTQ+ individuals. Silence condones the behavior, saying: “I’m okay with this discrimination and I won’t stand up for the safety of my LGBTQ+ friends and family.”
- Make a safe space. Don’t ask invasive questions or press inappropriately. (i.e. Don’t ask trans people what surgeries they’ve had unless they offer the conversation.)
- When confronting others, focus on de-escalation as much as the situation permits. Increasing the intensity can often cause more distress to the LGBTQ+ person targeted.
- Support trans folks financially, if you can! Recommendations here.
Resources for LGBTQ+ Folks–
- Contact The Trevor Project. You can call, text, or chat: 1-866-488-7386 or TheTrevorProject.org.
- Create a list of affirmations (swipe to the next slide for examples) and read them to yourself ten.
- Reach out to friends and keep yourself connected.
- Join an online support space (try TrevorSpace.org!)
- If you’re 18+, come to one of my support groups. You can register at pinkmantaray.com/support.
- If at all feasible, set boundaries with unsupportive family members by not talking to them or ysically distancing yourself from them.
- If abuse occurs, call the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453, or reach out to an adult you trust.
Example of Affirmation List for LGBTQ+ Folks–
- I know who I am even if my parents invalidate me.
- I am enough, regardless of others’ views of me.
- I am allowed to and capable of knowing who I am, no matter my age.
- My sexuality is valid. My gender identity is valid. Regardless of my family members’ opinion of it.
- COVID-19 and quarantine will pass, eventually. I will not be stuck in this house/home/place forever.
- I am worthy of love even if my parents/family do not show me this.
- I belong in this world.
- Social distancing does not mean I am truly alone.
- I am resilient. I will get through this.
Instagram post on this here: